love less

Well last night I had trouble sleeping and got nothing to do, I was just sitting in front of my laptop screen then I open my meebo, look around and start to dig in the chat history. I always aaaallways save chat history in my every device, just because i love reminiscing good old times. So I spent an hour reading my conversations with this one college friend, from the first time we chat , 'till like months ago. We used to chat over unimportant things for hours. "Buzz" on each other's YM! without any specific reasons, tell how we miss each other, talk about each other's personal life. And none of us felt annoyed or uncomfortable, everything was just so warm yet natural. Then I moved to another friends' YM and their Facebok Wall posts and I found the same thing. Friendly and innocent conversations. 

Then I think, "where did we go wrong? Where did I go wrong?" I don't talk like that anymore to those people. I don't call them just to say I miss them or just to have unimportant chit-chats. Well, I'm not cold, I'm still me who laughs a lot, who's emotional and talk too much most of the time. But I don't feel the warmth anymore. I only text a friend if I have something to ask. I don't have the guts to start a conversation with a friend. I often act like I don't care with people/things. I love less. 

The real me, falls in love with people so very easily. Not in a romantic way, but yeah, I love people. This is one of my strongest character since I was little. In elementary school, I was the one who always remember everybody's birthday and always prepare presents for the birthday girls/boys. It made my mother upset that I have to buy birthday present almost every month in a year (with her money of course). In high school, I was the one who make the name of the class, arrange supporter in class meetings, or ask friends to wear same attribute in independence day. In college, I do things the same way. I'm being 100% me. 

Being a loving person is nice, but when you are me, it isn't that nice. Why? 'Cause I'm not being sincere with people. Like when I was in elementary school and I love to give birthday present for my friends, I was expecting them to give me presents in my birthday too. That when I was a kid. When I'm a grown up, I love people easily, but I expect them to love me, as much as I do, and in a way that I love them. And when I think they're not, I let go of them. I delete them.

Yeah, that's me. I tend to delete people from my life. That's what I always do when someone let me down. 

Does it feels good to delete someone from your life? No.  Because when I decide to let go of someone it means that he/she meant so much to me that I have to make effort just to ignore him/her. And when I delete someone from my life, it only means I will stop to talk to her/him I will try my best to ignore her/him and start to watch her/him from a distance. I keep up with their lives through facebook/twitter or others'. It feels worse. Worse than being disappointed. 

Up until now, I've deleted so many people from my life. Three of them are the best persons I've ever met in my life, they were my best girls. Yes, I'm doing well without them. Yes I still have so many friends, the best ones. But I cannot deny that what I had with them was precious. And I let go of it. If I still do this thing, there's no doubt I will have no one in my life. 

Now from those YM conv annd FB Wall Posts, i've learned my mistake. From now on I will love hard, sincerely. 

I

AM

SO

TIRED

OF

ASKING,

GOD

The Truth is Written All Over Your Face

Unlike my friends, I'm not a huge fan of serial movies. I often watch one or two episodes, then I get bored. GossipGirls bores me, Glee disgusts me (sorry Gleeks), Modern Family makes me frown. Only two that have stolen my heart and blown my mind. One is How I Met Your Mother (not gonna talk about this one now), and the other is : 

Yes, yes, yes, this one has blown my mind away, made me gasp over and over and over again. It's about a man, Dr. Lightman, an expert of micro-expression. He geniusly spots murderers lies, just by talking to them and reading their faces, gestures and voice tones. It's so hard to believe that one can really detect others' lies only by seeing their faces or listening to their voices. I thought it was so judgemental. 

But it turns out that micro-expression reading has scientific proofs. "Lie To Me" is inspired by a figure named Paul Ekman. He is a micro-expression expert. I just just knew this after I watched "Secrets of Body Language" in History Channel. It was sooo interesting. 

What is micro-expression : A microexpression is a brief, involuntary facial expression shown on the face of humans according to emotions experienced. They usually occur in high-stakes situations, where people have something to lose or gain. Unlike regular facial expressions, it is difficult to fake microexpressions. (wikipedia.com).

There are 7 universal micro expressions : 

There are others 3000 micro-expressions Ekman found. He often reads politicians' micro expression, gestures, and voice tones. You can see it in Lie To Me too. Like this one, 

Ekman said, "Bill Clinton’s famous, 'I did not have sexual relations with that woman, Miss Lewinsky' is a big ‘ol lie revealed in the corners of his mouth, as well as in the “distancing” language he used, “that woman”. Or US vice-presidential candidate, Sarah Palin, despite her winking bravado, showed her fear of the press by the position of her eye lids". In History Channel they said that when Clinton said "I never told anybody to lie" he shook his head, but not when he said "I did not have sexual relations with that woman".

In "Lie To Me" I found a speech of Barrack Obama, talking about how he respected McCain. When they zoom in to Obama's hand, his middle finger pointed unconsciously, like this. LOL

Well they say, "93% of human communication's non-verbal.When you found conflict between words and body language,you gotta trust the body language" 

What do you say? 

unmotivated

I can say I'm a quite optimistic person. I'm full with dreams and obsession, I always have plans for my life and I'm always sure that I can be whatever I wanna be.

But there are times, like this, when myself cannot cooperate with me. I know what I have to do, I know the steps so well, but I just don't feel like doing it. I just don't want to. I always ended up doing nothing, alone, in my room, while I know I have many things to do to catch my dreams.

Why am I so unmotivated?

Recipe : Apple Crumble

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Baking Time : Chocolate Lava Cake

5th term is over and now it's time for holiday. Walaupun ga libur2 banget karena masih ada acara pelantikan di kampus dan sweet17 klien (fyi, me and my friends are running a party organizer now :D), tapi lumayanlah, I have enough time for myself, family, friends, and FOOD! Entah kenapa beberapa saat ini gw lagi suka masak. Dari dulu udah suka sih, tapi skrg lebih suka lagi. Mungkin karena keseringan nonton Master Chef dan Top Chef. And now I wanna share a recipe I've tried last New Year Eve. It's amazingly DE-LI-CIOUS, and it's from my favorite cooking master's yuotube channel : Nicko's Kitchen :D (

Enjoy, 

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